So this is what it feels like to fall. To leap from a cliff not knowing how deep the water will be. This is what it feels like to drop.

I did not want this.  I was happy touting faith and letting go as the only sane approaches to living in this world; I did not desire reasons to use them myself.  And now, it seems, I have no choice.  There is no going back this time.  The rubber has officially met the road.

And though I say I did not want this, at some level I was willing to…

The talking masks the racing thoughts in my mind, or so I think.  I talk loud and fast when I am not at peace.  For fear of the silence, I speak.  To drown out the truth, I talk.

I want to teach and to learn, but then I remember: Silence teaches too.

I resist it.  I resist bringing all my fears to that loving place within.  I don’t trust it.  What if it tells me something I do not want to hear?  What if I am meant to leave?  What if my dreams are not to come true?  I resist it…

I’m ok, you know?  Well maybe you knew that all along.  Maybe, if you know me, you think: “That Danielle, she’s ok.”  I have to admit however, that most of the time, me being ‘ok’ is news to me.  Sure, intellectually I know I’m ok, but so often I have to remind myself to speak, think and act from…

Please baby girl, don’t make the same mistakes as me.

And I cannot help but feel it is a selfish plea.  I would suffer.  I would suffer to see her float aimlessly through life looking for love in all the places it is not.  But who am I to judge her journey?  Who am I to dictate what she should learn or…